It has been 18 months and it is still so hard for me to believe that you are no more. You have left us all and created such a huge void in our lives. Your voice still echoes and remains to be my favourite and right now that is what I am listening to. It remains irreplaceable.
It is still unknown to why you left us in-spite of the fact that I have found countless reasons to why you committed such a sin. Not a single eye could hold itself from mourning that day. Not a single soul can hold itself either after so many months of your absence. It was a few days back when few of your close buddies met and had a little reunion. Not to our surprise that the only name which crossed our mind was yours. We just anticipated that you were happy seeing us together and I am pretty sure that you were.
It took some time to change your gentle silent smile into laughter and you gave up into our efforts. It was August of 2012. I remember very well to how you became the elder brother for us, and not just for the batch but for the entire college including seniors. I wish those happy moments could have last for decades but brought the curtains down so early and there are so many souls out there who believe that they could have saved you. Me definitely being one of them.
The journey that I can never forget made me defy all odds and more of all bring an enormous amount of respect for you, records way back to October 30th, 2014. The very day I was blessed with SAP and maybe also with a very special friend. To be honest, I have hated you for many a reason but all came to a halt after that day. I blamed you for lots of things but that journey took every bit of liability away.
It followed with late night chats when we both kept discussing life. We shared a lot and these are memories I would keep cherishing throughout my life. And it was one such night that you texted me and I was unavailable! All you could say was "Suman" and expected me to turn up. I did not have a running internet service in my cell.
The next evening I got a call with only a few words enough to stop my breath,"Dada r nei"! I couldn't believe my ears and kept dialing others. It seemed that I lost my brother. As a matter of fact, I did.
The next day, it was the first train that took me to you. You laid there with the gentle silent smile that you had on the day when we first met. You didn't speak this time no matter how hard we wept. You didn't respond to the people who loved you. You kept smiling and they took you away.
A few hours later, on my way home, I got your message. Lightening struck me and I still remember crying for the rest of the journey. I felt weak. I don't know if I could have talked you out of it but it was all but too late and I sobbed.
There are nights when I can see you smiling the same way in my thoughts and cry out of grief. Your pics, videos, songs remind me of the good old days and I keep waiting for fulfilling the promise I made to you. "There is a lot that I want to ask him and still, I can't do anything but wait. But when my time comes and God wants me with him, I will sit with him for a drop and clarify whatever I have. Till then, REST IN PEACE, Subbu.............."
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